Is Your Story — Told or Untold — Holding You Back from a New Story?
I’m writing to you today in service of better stories — yours, mine, and the ones we’re here to co-create. After all, the subtitle of my book Transformational Speaking is: If you want to change the world, tell a better story.
Oh, the stories we tell!
- There’s the “signature story” we tell from the platform that defines us (and can become the very thing that holds us back.)
- There are the stories we hold in silence and are afraid to speak. They need to be told — not to an audience, but to someone who can truly hear us — so we can heal and move forward.
- And then there’s the new story, beckoning us to the possibility that awaits.
Recently I heard from two clients — both from 2015 — whose stories are changing. Our renewed connections reminded me of the deep privilege it is to witness new stories as they begin to take form and how agonizing that process can be. We’re attached! These stories — and the identities they’ve shaped — have often carried us to the pinnacle of success. So why must they change just when we think we’ve arrived?! (And really, how could we ever “arrive” when life itself is in constant motion?)
How Our Stories Can Trap Us
Our stories carry the message we hold dear and our lived experience demonstrates we’ve earned the right to speak. In public speaking, your “signature story” becomes how you’re remembered. That can be powerful — but also limiting. Is it possible the stories you tell have become prisons that keep you locked into who you used to be instead of opening the door to who you’re becoming?
The Stories We Don’t Want to Tell
“Wherever you are is called here, and you must treat it as a powerful stranger . . .”
That line touches me every time. Often the truth about where we actually are in our lives is the story we don’t want others to know. It may reveal that we’re not on top of our game. It may not show us in the best light. It may expose a broken heart to even more vulnerability. So we stuff the truth and pretend it isn’t real or important. We forget we’re all members of the Scar Clan!
After all, this too shall pass. And yet, when we silence our story, we often suffer from the weight of pretending we’re someone or somewhere we’re not. That’s when we become strangers to ourselves and wonder, Where did I go? We lose our aliveness and our connection with ourselves — and as a result our connection with our audience.
The Wisdom of Being Heard — and Listening Fully
There’s a teaching I received from my beloved friend and mentor, cultural anthropologist Angeles Arrien:
This isn’t about shutting someone down. It is about recognizing that repetition creates neural pathways that can become our identity. It takes courage to ask to be heard. And it takes time and commitment to honor another person’s experience by listening fully — without advice or trying to fix the situation. When you’re willing to witness someone in this way, it becomes a gift of presence that allows them to release a story rooted in victimhood that could easily define them forever.
I won’t minimize those devastating and non-negotiable events that upend our lives and pull us down into the well of grief and loss and WTAF? Yet in today’s cultural landscape, with so much emphasis on trauma, I sometimes wonder: are we doing ourselves a disservice? Yes, the things that take us down must be felt — fully. But it is equally true that being deeply witnessed — three times, as traditional wisdom suggests — can begin the release.
That’s why our full presence — our capacity to listen to another without interruption, advice, or agenda — is a sacred service. It allows the story to move and evolve.
Healing Through the Full Story, Told and Witnessed
I’ve experienced this firsthand. I’d left a relationship, heartbroken and reeling, my dream shattered. My self-talk became a broken record of loss and shame, and pieces of the story leaked into every conversation. (Being around me had to have been an act of kindness.) Then a friend said, “Tell me the whole thing,” and she listened. On a 5-hour road trip, she never once interrupted me or tried to dry my copious tears. She stayed present and didn’t offer solutions. That night allowed me to get it out and be fully expressed. It was the beginning of healing.
Another time, a student in one of my programs gave a similar gift to a friend. She saw the struggle and simply asked, “Will you tell me the whole thing?” Her friend did — through the night. By morning, she was radiant. She was freed by the telling, and being witnessed allowed her to release what had been held too long in silence.
We don’t need to share our deepest stories with everyone, but we do need to tell them — no more than three times! — to someone who can hold them with love and without judgment, advice, or the urge to fix.
Then we reflect, integrate, and grow.
Ultimately, we heal — and in that healing, we discover a story no longer defined by what happened to us, but by who we’ve become.
That’s a new story worth telling!
From Personal Story to Collective Awakening
The world needs our presence, our love, and our vision. We can’t bring those forward when our energy is stuck in what happened to us. Healing frees us to participate in something larger — to co-create the story the world most needs now.
It’s a really big game we’re being asked to play these days. May the pull of what’s possible be strong enough to let the pain of the past recede. May we bring our collective energy to the greater story that is ours to live and to tell.
You’ve heard it before and I’ll say it again: We were born for these times!
Presence or Perfection? Why Your Most Powerful Talk Can’t be Scripted
I’ve spent years helping others find their way back to the truth beneath the script. As I walk that path myself, this blog post offers two reflections:
- The Trouble with Scripts
- Where My Unscripted Life is Leading Me Now—and your invitation to join me!
Recently I witnessed a speaker who showed up with a beautiful script. A page was missing and she proceeded to “lose it.” A blank stare, then panic.
I’ve often witnessed that “losing it” is the beginning of “finding it”, although the speaker usually doesn’t experience it that way! That’s what happened here. In losing her place, she found herself in the moment. Only then did those of us in the audience feel something real happen and begin to relate to what she had to share.
One More Transformational Speaking Immersion! Santa Fe May 8-11
I’m sending this email to my entire list, including beloved clients and those I have yet to meet. Many graduates return to the Immersion years later when things are changing—and change is definitely afoot! Here’s how life and work are shifting for me, and I invite you to join me to get out of jetlag of your own life and catch up to who you’ve become and explore what wants to speak through you now!
One More Immersion. May 8-11, Santa Fe.
In December I celebrated my 8-OH! and it is actually the first birthday that seized my attention as a significant number! I understand the blessing of a long life and the opportunity it provides to review and reflect. As I do so, I recognize I have gifts to continue to bring to the world that are needed in these transformational times. Yet how might that form change as I embrace elderhood? And embrace it I do!
Books by Transformational Speakers 2024
From captivating stages to compelling pages, my Transformational Speaking clients are not just masters of the spoken word but also prolific writers. I’m thrilled to showcase the diverse array of books written by these remarkable individuals, each reflecting the unique essence of its creator. With such a rich tapestry of offerings, I’m confident there’s a book waiting to inspire, educate, or entertain you and anyone on your gift list.
During my Transformational Speaking Immersions, the sheer wealth of ideas often sparks a creative fire in our clients. It’s not uncommon for them to outline their entire book while crafting their latest talk.
Wisdom is earned for all of these authors, and I want to especially highlight the elders who continue to thrive by living their purpose and bringing their gifts to the world.
Holy Fools 2024
Have you met your inner Holy Fool? That wild, world-changing risk-taker who lives within you? I have! Holy Fools Day is upon us, and it’s the perfect time to ditch the ordinary and celebrate with this powerful “What If?” challenge.
Ask yourself: What If? What if we create a world based on our wildest dreams?
An emergence story for these times … and all of time
Once upon a time I was working with an extraordinarily gifted woman and seer who had an image of me standing on the edge of a cliff. I was looking across a wide divide where I could not see my way to the other side, and a step forward would lead to certain death. But I was not alone. I had two allies supporting me: a skunk at my left foot who was creating a boundary so I would not step over the edge, and a hawk on my right shoulder.
As I stood there, I was blowing kisses to an unknown future. The hawk would follow the energy of those kisses, fly across the horizon, and return with what I was to know. Only then could I act.
Birthing the New Story! Imagining a World that Works for All of Life
In 1987 my sister was 40 years old and having her first baby. She chose a home birth with a midwife. I questioned her choice, but Janice is a smart woman and had done the research to understand that the approach of hospitals and doctors adds unnecessary layers of procedures for protection (often their own from malpractice suits) that can often result in harm to a newborn. That’s likely why the US is “the most dangerous developed country to give birth in” according to Newsweek in 2018*. Janice gave birth to her second healthy child at age 44, again at the home of her midwife.
Back in 1987, most of us put our trust without question in the promise of existing structures and heedlessly follow their protocols in an attempt to create lives that work within an established system. Unfortunately, even though our lives as a whole aren’t working all that well, we still do. But it is 2020 and we’re starting to break the spell of believing someone knows more than we do about how to create the world to which we want to belong. Our blind allegiance is faltering, and well it should. We’re in a time of health, political, environmental, racial and financial crises. The structures we’ve relied on are crumbling, and no election or single leader can change that.
What will it take to break the spell of believing in an old way and imagine a world that works for all of life?
For years, I have been captivated by the Rumi quote, “Speak a new language so the world may be a new world.” I’ve spoken about that as I’ve sensed that there are languages of the soul that can awaken us to new ways of seeing and being that open the way to the new world we trust is possible and want to co-create.
4 Ways to Work with Gail
Let’s stop watching the newsand make the news!I invite you to join the unmistakable calling of our times to bring your imagination and voice to a new story that is being born in your heart! Like many of us, I’ve been in a wait and watch mode since early March. I’ve sensed something is incubating that is not yet formed. With scheduled travel cancelled, it seemed like a good time to bring a new puppy into my life. What an adventure that has been–for both me and my 9-year old dog Paqo — who is sort of adjusting but remains less than thrilled!
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It’s Holy Fools Day! Let’s Ditch Deadlines and Grab the Lifelines
I can’t let April 1 pass without greeting you! I know you’re out there and sensing at a deep level that–somehow, some way–we are in the awakening of a lifetime. And that we’re being asked to make history, not just watch it.
If you’re not yet familiar with Holy Fools Day, it was inspired by Joseph Campbell’s statement that the Holy Fool is the most dangerous person on earth and the most threatening to all hierarchical institutions. Holy Fools follow their own inner compass to do what needs to be done and do it, no matter what. Their actions make a difference in creating a more just and sustainable world in support of all of life. Since 2014, I’ve been hosting annual online events to shine light on the inspired action of Holy Fools in the Transformational Speaking community. (Meet them here.)
Now here we are at April 1, 2020, and I’m postponing the Holy Fools Challenge (and the grand prize that will thrill you … stay tuned.) Because the truth is, I am unable to whip up my annual Holy Fools fervor and face a deadline. My fierce and feisty oscillates to flat and feeble and–thankfully! sometimes!– back to festive. I’m deep in the Well of the JourneyWell® wheel as illustrated in my March 20 message to you about “A New Rhythm for New Times.” It’s time to grieve and withdraw for a bit to reflect on and integrate this non-negotiable life experience that has upended our lives. Continue reading
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Hey, Holy Fool — Today Is Your Day!
Dear Holy Fool (or Holy Fool in Waiting),
This is the day I celebrate those of you who step outside convention to find your voice and become the radical change artist your soul is calling you to be!
You don’t do what’s expected. You transcend conditioning and do what the more “sensible” among us would avoid, choosing a path that others deem “impossible.” Doors open where others wouldn’t think to knock. You hear the knocking from the inside and live the life you came to live.
In 2014, I was besotted by Joseph Campbell’s statement that the Holy Fool is the most dangerous person on earth and the most threatening to all hierarchical institutions. That’s when I created Holy Fools Day, and I’ve been celebrating Holy Fools ever since.
When Transformational Speaker Tania Vasallo interviewed me for her podcast, The Courage to Be, I realized my affinity for the Holy Fool is because I am one! Here’s the podcast in two sections:
First, my storied path to an unconventional life and business: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-courage-to-be/id1664543123
Second, the original way I approach public speaking in my Transformational Speaking classes — from the inside out. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-courage-to-be/id1664543123
Perhaps, like me, you’ve have been so devoted to your own path (as in what else is there?) that you haven’t stepped back to recognize and celebrate your own holy foolishness. So, today, in honor of Holy Fools everywhere—and to invite and ignite the Holy Fool within you—I offer you the questions that arose in my conversation with Tania.
As Tania encouraged me to talk about my life, her questions led me to recognize that I got to the life I am living today because I finally gave up “The Rules” (you know the ones) and embodied my values.
“You’ve got to say yes to this miracle of life as it is,
not on condition that it follow your rules.”
– Joseph Campbell
Are you ready to say yes to the Holy Fool’s invitation to your own miraculous life?
Will you offer a Holy Yes! to that inner calling to something you may not even be able to name but which is pulling you toward the life you came to live and do the thing life calls you to do?
The true call is always beyond what you know.
We only think we know, and that is what gets in our way.
Let’s give up thinking we’ve arrived. It’s impossible when we recognize everything is always moving. (Things are moving for Tania, too. She’s following the call to adventure to move to Bali for a year! And things are shifting for me, too; more on that next time!)
How is the Holy Fool moving in you these days? How are you applying your courage to shape both your own and our collective story?
We’d love to hear what action the Holy Fool in you is inspired to take. Please join our Facebook community Calling All Voices: Activating Your Holy Fool and tell us what holy foolery you’re up to!
Happy Holy Fools Day!
PS. I’ve interviewed many Holy Fools from my Transformational Speaking community and their wisdom is here to inspire you!